The Single Girls’ Guide: Yes I Mean It When I Say I Want This

There is not one thing, not one single thing, that every human being in the world enjoys. Not one single thing. And yet it seems to be generally thought that every person in the world wants a relationship. After all, there are so many possible varieties of relationship it seems ridiculous to think that anyone would not want any of them. Surely at least one of the many different incarnations of romantic love would appeal? It’s just so common a belief that if someone is alone then it is supposed that it simply means that they haven’t found someone to be with yet. If they say they are not looking it’s usually met with “Oh, but one day you’ll just meet someone and then...” or “You’re young now, you’ll change your mind as you get older...”

Now I’m not 100% totally saying I never will, not because I have a sense of remorse, it’s just because absolutes are fraught with danger. Like assuming that someone will eventually want a relationship because “everyone does”. That is an example of an absolute.

I feel the need to reiterate that I chose to be single and I mean it and, gasp, I like it because today is Valentine’s Day. The day when it is assumed that anyone who is single should be sad and crying and feeling all desperate and alone. We live in a society where people are regularly divided into ‘Have’ and ‘Have-Not’ and the ‘Have’ folks are always deemed to be superior. The ‘Have-Not’ are presumed to be wanting to ‘Have’.

However being single is not a temporary state that everyone is seeking to modify. Some people – a lot of people – like me, have chosen it. And by chosen I do not mean we’ve resigned ourselves to our lonely fate. It’s not some irrational knee-jerk emotional reaction. I’m not too lazy to put the effort in. I haven’t given up because I’ve been too hurt.

When I say I’ve chose to be single I mean that I have thought about past relationships, guys I liked that I’d wish I’d had relationships with, what I would want from a relationship should I have one, what I want from life in general, what my goals and plans are, I’ve read a number of relationship advise books, even read a bunch of parenting books, looked at all that information, thought long and hard about how I felt about all these things and made a decision.

It’s a decision that I feel is right for me. It is a decision that I feel happy and comfortable with. It is a decision that I do not doubt or regret, even on a day like Valentine’s Day.