The Single Girl's Guide to Solo Outings

It is really hard to be single. Some people don’t even attempt it – they go from relationship to relationship like a monkey swinging through trees in a jungle. Other people will fill in the time with first dates waiting until they find a Mr Right among them.

Most girls who have no date or nothing planned with groups of friends will sit at home doing nothing. Or watching TV, sitting on facebook, whatever and etc. I get it because I do it too. It’s pretty rare to venture out into the world on a solo outing. That’s because it’s not really an easy thing to do.

But, like pretty much everything else in life, it is easy once you get the hang of it. So if you are sitting at home on your own and don’t feel like staying in, don’t worry if everyone else is busy. Don’t mope around because you have nothing to do and no one to go somewhere with. Take a deep breath, decide what you want to do, and go out solo.

If you are used to doing things on your own, great! You’re probably not going to find anything here that you don’t already know or aren’t already doing though. But thanks for reading!

If you’ve not used to doing things on your own and the idea seems really daunting to you I’d recommend starting out with a movie. It’s dark, it’s not a place people usually talk (unless they are annoying bastards), people are focused on what’s happening on the screen and tend not to look around them much -  you can quite easily get away with being on your own there without too much self-consciousness. The hard part here is walking in and walking out. The rest of the time is sitting still and enjoying the movie.

How to handle the walking in: I’m going to assume you’ve been to the movies before and know the ins and outs of purchasing tickets and popcorn. But you’ll be amazed at how different this can all feel when you are not with other people. The key is to decide what you want before you arrive. Know which movie you want to see, the session time, where you want to sit, what you want to eat and drink. The important thing is not to feel panicked. Walk decisively and keep your head up. Your posture and your movement will affect the state of your mind (and vice versa). Speak clearly, breath deeply, don’t fidget, and don’t second-guess yourself. These things are normal when you venture out of your comfort zone.

NOTE: The more you step just outside your comfort zone the more you will push the boundary outwards, drawing more things to the inside of your comfort zone. It’s not silly to be nervous or scared about doing something you’ve never done before, like going to the movies alone. It’s only silly if you let that stop you.

Once you’ve conquered solo movie outings move on to concerts, museums, art galleries, amusement parks, whatever you are interested in. I’d like to make a suggestion here though – avoid drinking alcohol.  Drinking alone is still drinking alone, even if you are in public. And all the usual warnings about being a woman and impairing your judgement (even slightly) apply here, maybe more so. Also be your usual vigilant self when it comes to choosing safe places to visit, reliable and safe transport, have emergency numbers on speed dial, no walking at night down dark alleyways and all that jazz. You are becoming a more confident and self reliant person but there are still dangers in this world we have yet to eliminate.

Do research the place/event you are visiting beforehand. Check out their website and jump onto Google maps to get familiar with the area if you’ve never been there before. This will help greatly with your comfort levels once you are there. There is security in familiarity.

Once you are feeling really good about solo outings try for the big one: Dining alone. Yes, that’s right kid, table for one. It’s ok, really, I’ve done this lots of times.

The big don’t here is: Don’t try to pretend you’re not supposed to be alone. Don’t keep looking up at the doorway as though you are expecting someone. Don’t pull out your phone and start texting or tweeting. Believe it or not this will actually make you feel more self-conscious as you are putting on a show for the benefit of others. Just sit up straight. Breathe normally. Keep your head up as much as possible. Read the menu only as long as it takes to decide what you want to order, and then put it aside – don’t try to hide behind it.  Look around casually. Take in the ambiance, look at the pictures on the walls, and listen to the music they’re playing. Eat your food slowly. And order dessert or coffee afterwards.

It’s very easy to slip into self consciousness when dining alone. What must other people think of you? Who? Those total strangers you will probably never see again? The ones who are engrossed in their own meals and conversations? The waiters who are busy at work?

Remember this: It takes much more strength, confidence and courage to be alone than it does to go along with other people. What can you face alone in this world if not the most common act of eating a meal?